I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
