Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
