i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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