so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
