matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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