It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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