then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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