U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
