evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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