at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
