yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
