today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my liver is dry heaving
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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