Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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