I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
