eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
