Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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