Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
