my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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