i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
