I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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