How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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