Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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