i will never coherently bang her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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