dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
