dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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