Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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