i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
