this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
