insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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