i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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