I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
