i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
