So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
