im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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