Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
