On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
