Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
