We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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