you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
