Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
