i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
