Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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