Someone shit on the floor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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