Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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