Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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