I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
