even my farts smell like vagina
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
