im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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