This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize