A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
