I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am available for nakedness
I would fuck him just for his dog
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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