I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize