Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
