i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
