He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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