So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
