i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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