You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
