this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
