i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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