oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
