in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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