New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
