3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
