he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
