you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
