Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
