we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
