Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize