it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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