I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
