fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
