Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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