At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
