Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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