This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
