hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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