You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
