When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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