Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
