Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My ass is underappreciated
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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