Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
