Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
