That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
