My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
