We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
