The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
only you would photoshop your dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
