i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
