We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
