How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
