If that was your dad, he is hot
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
