I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
