Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
