Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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