now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
