I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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