is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
