So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
