Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
