Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
