Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
