I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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