I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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