theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
